Zealous Overdrive

Hi all. I can't really be bothered updating my livejournal. Though, I do keep my blogger pretty up-to-date. So please, if you guys want feeds, just go to :


http://radioseven.blogspot.com/


I'd try to put up pictures mostly, but recently I've been on a Youtubing spree. Have fun nya? Love you all peeps!

I'm beginning to feel like a really wuss lately. Absolutely horrified that I've become such a whiner. Better stop before it gets out of hand. If you had been following my Blogspot, everything is usually just physical and daily reports on my life here in Frankston.

Things are just going up and down like a roller coaster, and it's making me feel quite ill. My social life is practically non-existent, such a far cry from what I had in singapore, and I'm buried under tons of papers and books, just trying to wade though. Yes, my brain has decided to give up on me, and I'm struggling through the academics of University life. Such a far cry from poly life, and I know how much I had lagged in terms of being academically able. In all honesty, I've never been academically gifted, so thus led to my poor results in primary school and secondary school. I did attempted to right my wrong in Polytechnic, which I did...sort of, and now, I'm back to square one again!

Here I go again, whining. But still, I wonder if academics is the way I should walk down to.

One thing that gets me through is the music I listen to. There's only one artiste that really companied me through everything. He's a very talented singer imo, nothing can change that! Hahaha...Everytime I listen to his voice, it's like an old invisible friend keeping me company through and through. Sad to say, it's my imagination going wild, but truly, it feels quite nice just listening to him sing. Has been my idol since my teens. I doubt no other artiste or bands can replace him. Somehow, he just stuck to my conscious like super glue when I first heard him sing.

From then, it has always been my life long dream to see him live at a concert. I just hope I can fulfill that dream someday. Hopefully this year if he does perform. After all it'll be my 21st year.

I wonder if you guys can guess whom I'm referring to.=)

Miss you guy so much. I'm contemplating on going back to Sg for the june holidays. If I get a long break that is. If it's just 2 weeks, forget it. Hopefully I'll get about a month. If I do, hope to see you all soon! Hugs and kisses to you all, congrats to those who did well in the O levels, and gambatte to reinnie and chloe in japan.

...and I see huge chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs being sold in stores. The time to indulge in chocolate is here! And the prices of chocolate is ridiculously cheap. Have to restrain myself from buying so much chocolate. I'll surely turn diabetic by the end of the week!

After a long grueling 4 weeks struggling with my assignments and studies, the Easter week is here! Ah! Come late mornings! But I can't rest during this easter week. Have to use the week to catch up with my readings and stuff.

After that bout of depression, I've bounced back to being my normal self. Nothing to worry about anymore. As I adjust to life here in Aussie, it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Sure, I do have urges to quit now and then, but I still plow on don't I?

Nothing exciting going on here, go uni, go home, study, eat, go for training, go to the city....quite a mundane life really. Thinking of getting a second hand car. I'm feeling quite embarassed to keep asking my coach to fetch me for training every saturday. Goodness me. I'll have to make something or get him something as a way of thanks. =/

I better get to bed. If not I'll not be on time for tutorial tomorrow. Good night friends!

I've seemed to have ran into another wall recently, and this time, I have no friend support to back me up here in Frankston. I percieved that such things would happen sooner or later, because I'm the way I am, but how is it possible for me to break out of this vicious cycle? My feet hasn't been steady in this foreign soil just yet and already the murmurs of ill will and unfriendliness has come to haunt me.

Let me tell you what I've learnt from those I know here. So far, the bunch of people I mix with are pretty nice people, friendly and gossipish. Rather childish and aunty-like at the same time. I thought it was all good fun and friendship, just a way to foster ties to get us through the years in a foreign land without any of our family support. From day one though, even as i join in their fun and chats, somehow, I never seem to fit right in anywhere. The Aussies are hard to understand or hard to mix with because of vast differences, my friends all seem to find their own clique, and where do I stand? Right on my lonesome shelf once again. I thought that I would escape from that haunting past of being alone and being judged by my cover, but no, it seems that it'll forever stick with me. My face, my personality and my ideals. My poly life seemed like nothing compared to this.

I'm not smart, so I try to find other students to study with me, but no one seemed to be willing to help or study with me. And when I find the resources and do my work done by myself, and try to help those who needed help, I get talked behind my back, saying that I'm selfish and I'd never share information till the last minute. Saying things that I'm aloof, cold and cunning. It's hard not to think about such childish accusations and thoughts, but when you have no one to rely on for emotional support, you can't help it but let all these get to you and mess you up.

Ever since I came here, nothing seem to fall into the right place. It makes me wonder if I had made the right choice coming here to study, rather than doing it in Singapore or Malaysia instead. I know many of you great people have seen past my barrier, and accepted me for who I am, but here, everybody seemed so close minded. And they lumped themselves together.

It doesn't matter if they are friendly or nice to me anymore, because it doesn't change what is said behind my back, what is thought of me when I'm not around. I have always known that people whom are so pretenciously nice to you are not to be trusted or depended on. It seems that my social skills have failed me big time as well.

Who am I to turn to for academic help now? It's been a month into the academic year, and assignment deadlines are coming, my readings are behind...I'm struggling. I have no one to turn to for emotional help as well.

There's only one word that can discribe what I'm feeling right now.

Lost.

I pray, hope and try to find my guiding light here soon. It cannot go on like this. If it does, I'll fall sooner than I think.

Aloha to you guys! It's been a long while since I updated this place hasn't it? Well, I'm doing fine so far if anyone has been checking my blogspot I had posted before. The weather has taken a cooling turnabout, quite a far cry from what it was two weeks ago when it was sweltering hot.

Ever since I had settled in Aussie, I got my basic things sorted out. My phone's now active! Finally, thought I would die without being able to call back home. =/ Anyway, I've started my archery training once again, something which I now look forward to every weekend now. At least I got something else to do besides studying, grocery shopping and hanging out with the other people in the residence.

Checking with the academic calendar, I realized that there's this super long Easter holiday. What will I do with this holiday? Doubt I want to stick at home here and do more studying and rotting. Feel like at least touring in the other states. Perhaps Tasmania. Or maybe visit Sydney. Or perhaps stay with my cousin up in Melbourne...bad idea. *sigh*. Any suggestions? =)

You know that there would be a time where you would feel mightly depressed and all? Finally broke down one fine day, weeks ago. Don't worry. It was a barrier that I needed to get over with. I'm fine now. Busying myself.

I do sometimes wonder, how's things back in SG? Are you Gotei13+ peeps doing fine? Chloe in Japan yet? How did those in the O'levels do? Any crazy stunts or gatherings of late?

Will be preparing dinner soon. Ciaoz!

Argh......the heat is killing me. I have never ever felt such heat wave in my entire life before! Not only is it dry, but the sweltering heat is driving me crazy. I'm really not used to the weather. I'd rather have winter than summer. At least in Singapore you'll get occasional rains, but this? This is ridiculous! Not even a single drop of water fell from the sky!

There was suppose to be a thunderstorm two days ago, but besides having dark clouds and an omnious sky, not even a drop. It has hit a 35 deg right now and I bet it was 38 a while ago. Argh.......

I hope autumn comes soon. It's really irking me much.

I got Internet! Wheee! Anyway, I've opened a new Blog, at http://radioseven.blogspot.com/ so if you want to read what's been going on, then go ahead. =)

Don't fret guys, I'll still update this place. With a different content of course. =P Really miss all of you. Hope that we can get together in December. Gtg guys. Miss ya lots. *bestows lots of hugs and kisses*

I watch the clock tick the minutes away in trepidation while I frantically try to piece together my scattered brain and gather my things for my journey. Once in a while, I pause to look out at the window and watch the scenery or look around my room.

How time flies and of course I have become another bundle of mess all wrung into a sad pile. I'm surely gonna cry at the Gates, so please, do not give me any drama because I definitely do not want to turn into a crying waterfall.

Que Sera Sera....

Oh how I hate farewells. Every small thing, I would tear up.

I best be off packing more....I'm leaving on a jet plane....

Even though it wasn't the whole group, I still enjoyed the dinner. Scrumptious food. Joyous company. What more can I ask for? Great friends. I will miss all of you. Wait for my December return! =)

Laughter. Joy. Just pure glee. This is what I feel everytime I meet up with my friends for a meal. Deep in my heart, even when you all spend just a bit of time with me in person, I definitely am so very happy to be blessed with such wonderful friends.

I'm clinging onto mom everyday, appreciating everything that we do together. Be it chores or going for lunch, those are also the best times I have.

My departure date is looming nearer. My familiar background is slowly morphing into something new. Something foreign. Horror stories I hear all round, but I am determined that nothing will fazzle me. I'm determined to stay strong and prove those that had doubted my ability to survive on my own wrong. After all, I'm me.

I came like an electrical storm that sweeps through a small town. There were the ups and the downs, but it made me to what I am today. And one day, surely one day, I will be a great hurricane.

Going to be meet up with more dear friends the coming days.

I will not be gone forever. I'll come back at the end of the year. Coming back periodically. As I quote a famous line:

I'LL BE BACK

Counting down to my journey on leading an independent life. I wonder how I will cope when I'm in Melbourne.

Did my hair today. Nothing special. Straightened my unruly locks and chopped a bit of it off. Something easy to maintain I guess. I'm not overly concern with my hair, just need easy maintainance. Need to check my eyes soonish as well.

Got my Macbook. No idea how to use it. Tips?

Packing under way. Still pretty sparce, not sure how to prepare. Left with two weeks and a few days. Feeling rather sad about leaving for studies. I'm strong. Still standing. Will tell myself I can do it. I'm strong. Always has been, even when I get beaten down bad. Iron fists. Missing my friends now. Hope to see all before I go. So many nice memories created with everyone.

Ivy, remember. Collect.

Send me off? Feb 6th. Night flight. Time...not sure. Will update soonish. Good night.

........For the sake of those underage and reading my livejourn...I'll try not to use explicitives here.

F! YOU! YOU DESPECABLE COMMON ASS! I'LL CRUSH THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE'S ARCHERS TILL THEY GO HOME CRYING. JUST YOU WAIT!

Mr. A, maybe you're just jealous I'm ONE point behind you. Maybe because you can't stand it that I rose from Standard class to Open class in 6 months. Give me three weeks. I'll kick your ass at the AAS shoot. FITA BLACK IS MINE. Go run to your LITTLE GIRL when I'm done turning you into a pin cushion.

Just got news this morn. I'm kicked out of the squad to Thailand AGP. Hardy Har har. SO yes, I'm free till the 6th Feb.

The local sports scene is crap. That's why this country is not fit for the games. Hell, I'm not going to represent this country anymore. Just you wait. You have no idea whom you had just messed with.

I'm not easily angered, but this is the last straw I had with this place.

.......Of all weeks, it has to rain this week.

Had started packing my luggage...Rather reluctant to do so. Still have lots to buy and bring over.

Tomorrow's the Sembawang shoot, the grounds will be soggy and flooded, and I would have to trudge through it 26 times or more. And the target's at 70m! Insane. Mom bought a pair of goulashes, worse come to worse, my persona for tomorrow would be PCK. Hope not.

AAS president is getting the track suits...would be wearing them to Thailand. I'm quite dismayed that I would have to wear a skirt for Team Event if we qualify...Still thinking if I should get my own shirts or let him get the Yonex ones.

Tuition Grant Deferment is a success. Just need my sureties to sign it next week.

Maybe creating a list of things for my 21st birthday. Nothing much that I want. Maybe money? Hahaha...

My poor hands. Doesn't even look like a girl's soft hands anymore. Calloused fingers, a slight corn on my left thumb. Very sad, but it's the price I pay for being in this sport. It's my passion. My forth finger threatens to break I think. Back muscles a little strained. Have to go see my physio soon.

AAS Annual '06 is back. Two weeks from now. Going for Full FITA. Hoping to attain the FITA Black. Would be a nice addition to my FITA White.

I'm physically exhausted.


Pesta Sukan '06. Shooting with a fever/heat stroke.

Participated in the selection shoots last sunday, and I managed to squeeze into the team that will be heading to Thailand for the AGP. Will be heading off on the 31st Jan and coming back on 6th Feb mid afternoon(hopefully), then flying off to Aussie on the same day, night flight. Perhaps send me off on the 6th? lolz.

Anyway, in regards to the selection trials, you can say that I'm sort of a National archer...or rather just a part of Team Singapore...for now that is. I hope to surpass the top three soon enough and be the number 1 in Singapore. Then Aussie, here I come to conquer your ranks! Hopefully I won't shame myself at the Thailand Archery Grand Prix. Wish me luck loves!

Happy New Year to all!

It's the closing of an old book, and the opening of a new one. I sure do hope this year brings better times and good surprises for me. Looking back, I didn't really like how my 2006 was, but ....c'est la vie...


Hope that this 2007 will be a good year for all as well.

Hi my dear friends. It's been a long while since my last entry. I'm doing fine...Sort of...Not really...I'm hurting again. Blame me for being such a sad puddle.

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling now. Vulnerable? Sad? Angry? I don't know. Disappointed? Maybe. I want to cry, but I can't. The flood gates just wouldn't open.


Hammer. Smash. The icy fire.
The stinging pain I feel.
I look up and see your friends laughing.
I hear the ill voices that surrounds you.
No matter how much I try to snatch you away from those voices,
I failed. You are unsalvagable.

Dark blood. The operation table. IV needle and tubes.
They run through you.
Panic and sorrow. Emotional wreck you always manage to turn me into.
Death seems to linger in your every move, I can't do anything to save you.
Live longer at least?

Anger. Depression.
You lash out at me yet again.
With as much strength that I could muster, I tried shielding the fragile shell of our friendship.
With so much fury, you smash it again with your angry fists.
The pieces my hands can no longer pick up because you had destroyed them too.

Why are you the only one to cause me so much pain?
Because you were special to me once. Never again.
Have fun with your friends. They are much better people than me.
Leave me alone. Don't come to me when you are fast dying, because...
I cannot save you anymore.


"That's enough hurt for you today. We will talk again some other time."
"I've never taken negative points about you because of love."

The bullshit you feed me. The words you had said solidify my growing hurt, becoming more malicious and a small fire of hatred is building. I have never hated the word Love so much in my life. What are you? What makes you ruler to how to treat me and the supporting hand I give to you? I am not ragged doll you can just pick up and throw when you have no use of.

There's nothing to say anymore. We will never talk again. You try to find me? You will never reach me.

I think I had enough of persuing a relationship. A break is in order, and the coming family holiday to China seems like a fantastic getaway. I haven't been sleeping well, since alot had happened the past week and days.

Morpheus hasn't been visiting the doorsteps of my mind lately, and I find myself sleeping late into the night and waking up at ungodly hours of 5am or 7am the latest. Perhaps due to my upcoming driving test, rushing to fill in my papers for Monash, and the recent break of my relationship.

It's too much to handle, I think I'm going to lose more weight and sleep. Hopefully I'll pass my driving test and get my Monash and deferment papers out of the way before my holiday. To all my friends out there, I'm touched by your concern, and yes, I agree that my last two entries had been a little worrisome. But hey, I'm Andrea, I'll bounce back....eventually. Hopefully sooner.

It was a funny little thing when I lashed back and decided to cut it all. What I got? A pleading to 'reconsider' my decision, an apology note, and the best of it all, a scolding from a friend of his. What more can I ask? It's so funny, I'm ready to just fly to Aussie this very instant. But no, I never run away until the problem is solved. It's totally not like what you might think, rather unique, but yet quite sad at the same time. I wonder if it's both our faults since it takes two hands to clap, or is it entirely mine? From his friend's email, it seemed entirely my fault. Whoopie....

Why of all people, I must have such dumb luck to have such a failing relationship? I have no idea, but it did taught me alot of things. I am not what many think I am, and I am not the romantic person I thought I would be. Perhaps.....maybe it's just hormones, sleep deprivation and lack of proper food, but maybe I never was meant for something so out of my league.

A lone ranger with nothing but a bow and a set of arrows, chasing after impossible dreams and just losing it all with one word, one glance and one action. But even as a 'lonely' person right now, I have all you friends and family to support me, even though I can be an ass most of the time.

My sister is about ready to kill me for being such a hopeless emo wannabe, writing such depressing things here and at my other blog.


Dreams......are what they are all to be. Illusions created by our minds, but goals that are impossible to reach.

We people make errors in judgement and assumption, but we are to learn from our mistakes. However, some chose not to learn, and continue making assumptions wrongly or judge the book by its cover only.

I love my friends. I honestly am blessed with such fantastic buddies, friends and peers. Somehow there is a certain understanding amongst all our friends in such a way that, we don't every assume wrongly about things or situations. However, I do have a friend who is so dense as to assume that I'm thinking negatively.

I'm not going to relate the whole story, but basically, he thought I was mad at him for reasons that are so childishly minor, I even got flabbagasted when I read his messages. I am not a child, a teenager and neither an airhead. You don't respect me, you never trusted me, never trusted my judgement and thoughts, and truly, you cannot say that you understand me wholly. I doubt even the rest of my friends would mention or say such idiotic things ever. We're all grown up, so come on, give it a little more maturity yeah?

As the days pass, I find myself wondering why do I even bother to reply or talk to him when every single time he's always misinterpreting my words or meaning. And when being asked whether I want to meet up just to hang out, my first thought was, "Hey, I got better things to do than hang out with you. And we don't even communicate much even face to face." Why bother. But I'm not that cold hearted. True that I've been busy with my own life, friends and activities, I can make time to meet up, but seeing him more often than my bestfriend is really grating on my nerves.

Me and you. It ain't happenin' buddy. Maybe 4 years down the road when you've matured into a better man with a wiser mind and open heart. And so yet again, I am disappointed that I cannot find someone of the same mind, and the same sense of understanding. What I want...to truly understand each other that there is no doubts at all or no misinterpretations of emotions.

-Find-
Open your eyes
Open your heart
Open your mind

Let the Messenger deliver
Don't shut your doors
Don't shut your soul
Allow the Messenger to pass through

No common ground to stand on
You cannot get by that wall
To go to the next step, you'll have to open the doors

Find the key of Wisdom,
Find the key of Hope,
Find the key to your being,
And maybe your path will be a brighter shade of Life.

Where are we heading...What are we doing?
What's there left to salvage that has once been burnt?
What am I clinging onto?
You make me sick, you make me sorry
But at the same time, you make me happy

What are you achieving? Should this continue?
Should I severe the bonds?
I hate you, I loath you,
I like you, I care for you,
I detest you, I abhor you,
And yet, my heart still falters over the cliff.

Don't touch me, don't talk to me
Keep those illusive sweet words away.
I want to rid myself of these insane emotions
Emotions that makes us human, emotions that makes us monsters
I want to disappear, I want to leave this place and start afresh

A knief to the heart, a wound that won't heal.
Once bitten, twice shy
Just keep away, but yet, I can't stay away from you.
Get out of my head, clean those memories from my mind
I want to start on a clean slate.

I wish I never met you, I wish I'd never felt for you before
I wish you had never seen me ever before.
Just leave me be. Just be a friend to me.
That's all I ask of now.

Don't reach to me, don't speak of me, don't think of me
Move on, the world is bigger than you think.
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
What's left?



*My dear friends, it has been on my mind too long, I had to let this out here. I can't show this on the other one. No questions please. Love you all lots.*

lolz, finding all my friends one by one. =) Anyway, I think I'll take a break from training these two three days, I think I injured my right shoulder. =/ Better rest a bit and build up muscles to pull that 68-34lbs. =.= It's really tiring to keep shooting end after end nonstop. So I'll introduce you all to my arrows while I rest. =)

Well, these are my arrows, mostly we'll stick with Easton.



Arrows are sold in batches of a dozen. They really eat alot of money =( Guess how much these are worth? XD Perhaps for my 21st Bday, someone buy me X10 arrows?



Okay, these are my fletches and small nocks. I'm contemplating whether to change my nocks to orange/yellow. The fletches are the Spin Wings type, quite different from the normal ones. Then of course you have feathered fletches, but usually compound archers use feathered fletches.

Anyway, this sport really eats alot of my money, I'm practically scrouging hard with my paycheck and my few bucks of pocketmoney. =/ So forgive me if I can't go movies or eat meals with you all everytime. XD